beastkingnaoma | (no subject)

I hate this place.

I really do. And I'm tired of writing it down every day. Every goddamn day, but I really do.

I hate how many people got drug into this, I hate how people I know and cared about all got killed or took a side in this idiotic war. This stupid war, this stupid fucking war that only exists because every side involved thinks that they're right. Stubborn idiots. Their fucking stubbornness destroyed a city, wrecked a country, and is threatened to envelop and wreck the rest of the world. That stubbornness killed her, too. I would have left a long time ago if it wasn't for one reason. And I'm sure I've written it before, but I'll write it again, just so I don't forget.

So, I ate this fucking dragon's heart. I dunno what I was thinking at the time. I was an idiot. Maybe I wanted to be edgy or cool or something, or maybe I was drunk, I don't even fucking remember at this point.

But it started doing things to me.

I got stronger.. I got faster..I could summon armor whenever I wanted. Hey, that's cool I was fine with all of that.

But then it started doing other things.

I started to think and feel differently. ..Darker. And then this damn war started, and I had to concentrate or I'd get killed, and all that went away. I thought it was temporary or something, everything was fine. For about a year or so. Then I woke up one day and had some kind of a rash on my arm. Well, I certainly didn't have any time to worry about some pussy little rash, I had a war to help fight, so I ignored it. Few weeks later, it started to flake.

Under it was black metal scales.

I went and asked Desdemona, I figured if anybody would know, it'd be her...she told me it was that goddamn heart, and something about later stages of fusion, and that it was too late to do anything about it.

More time went by.... and Angie died. She died, and I had my falling out with Isabel and all of them, and started just helping people wherever I could. Those damn scales covered my fore arms, and started on my legs. I wish I could say helping people was the reason I'm still here, but I guess I'm not that selfless, because it's not.

I started.. seeing things. And hearing things. And remembering things. All of these things I had never seen or heard. I saw.. well, I still do.. I see places I've never been, but know just like I have. I hear things I've never heard, that are familiar to me. And I remember things that never happened to me. I dream of things I've never dreamed of, along the same lines.

And maybe a year ago, I started hearing the voice. It's a little, quiet voice. Or it was, it's gotten louder as time went on. It sounds.. like me, I suppose. Whenever I would stop a group of those psychic duelists, or the spiders, or even break up a fight with the Signer duelists in it, the little voice spoke to me.

"Kill them, and help end this war."

I ignored it at first, I just assumed it was stress, this place would stress anyone out. But then I started hearing it at other times. Telling me to hurt or steal or.. consume the dead. It started to talk even when I was helping people. "They're weak, let them die, you're not responsible.", the voice says.

And everyday, the voice gets a little louder, and my own voice gets a little softer.

And everyday, the strange memories get a little more clear, and my own get a little blurrier.

So why am I still here? Is it to help people? To make use of what time I have while I'm still myself? No, it's not.

I just don't want to forget.

Being here.. seeing all this suffering.. I can still remember everything.

I can still remember HER.

That's why I'm here. So I don't forget her. I want to remember, as long as I can. I don't know how much longer I'll still be myself, how much longer before that other voice is louder and I'm the little voice that gets ignored. But being here helps. I know it does. The good memories.. and the bad. I don't care. I just want to remember her. As long as I can, I want to remember everything about her.

I don't want to forget.